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Ptolman's is
the Place for Offal and so much more
Had enough of chipolata? Why not
treat yourself to pure pleasure by indulging in a generous
length of Ptolman's full fat sausage lovingly hand crafted
by Tewkesbury Ptolman, your friendly local butcher. His
faggots are the talk of Stackton, and a worthy winner of the
SMOWS (Stackton Meals on Wheels) Gold award. Reliable
service - satisfaction guaranteed - home deliveries by
arrangement.
Call in today and see what's on offer. You won't be
disappointed! |
PARTY
PLANNING - YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
I am hosting an intimate dinner party at home next month for
work colleagues and want to impress my guests. I am told
that music aids the digestion. What would you suggest as
fitting accompaniment to each course? I am planning a
consommé starter, followed by Beef Wellington with potato
noisettes on a bed of mushy peas as my main course, and a
generous helping of Spotted Dick to finish - always a firm
favourite with the boss's wife! Can you help??
E. BAVISTOCK |
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Stackton Parish Church Needs You!
A personal appeal by Dame Hilda Bracket
Our faithful flock of flower arrangers has
somewhat wilted of late. Peggy Tranter is poorly
again following her unfortunate accident during
the sponsored parachute jump last week in aid of
the church roof appeal - Get well soon Peggy! -
and has been taken off the rota until further
notice. Our very good friend and parish stalwart
Joan Shanks is also incapacitated. Her left arm
is still in plaster so Dr Hinge and myself would
dearly love to hear from you if you are a dab
hand with the daffodils or a magician with the
marigolds and can spare an hour or two to keep
our church full of fragrance.
Enquires can be left at the Vicarage or you can
contact me direct at Utopia Ltd by dialling
Stackton 295. Make that call today - you know it
makes sense! |
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Reporter: Paul Evans
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Next Week we start a new agony
aunt section. Please write in with your questions to
stacktontresselbugle@blueyonder.co.uk
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EASE AWAY THOSE ACHES AND
PAINS
Backache? Sciatica? For complete manipulation, visit
Monsieur Sublet. His High Street practice provides a
comfortable and completely confidential service to its
discerning clientele. Affiliated to the Chiropractors
Association of Paris and Member of the Stackton Tressel
Consortium of Small Traders. Private consultations by
arrangement. Discount rates for pensioners. |
"Pooh Bah" Causes A Stink In Stackton.
The
smell of the grease paint was strong in Stackton Tressel
this week as the STOATS (Stackton Tressel Operatic And
Traumatic Society) revived the much loved Gilbert and
Sullivan Operetta " The Mikado" .
This
years performance started off with a bang as the back
drop collapsed on Katisha as she made her first
entrance.
Pooh
Bah, played by Dame Hilda's favourite butcher Tewkesbury
Ptolman (most famous for his German sausage) was
wonderful despite his several thespian tantrums before
the opening performance. Dame Hilda had to calm him as
he tried to attack Nanky Poo with his fan for upstaging
him in rehearsal.
Dr
Hinge was, as usual, a marvel on her organ.... while
Dame Hilda provided vocal assistance to Guest Artiste
Evelyn Bantock (Niece of Dodie) who played the lead role
of Yum Yum.
Back
stage, rumours were rife regarding sightings of a
strange woman lurking in the wings... she was said to
have resembled Maud Print, dresser and housekeeper to
the " Dear Ladies" for many years.
However, despite a number of mishaps, the first night of
the show turned out to be a rip roaring success....
Break a Leg everyone and enjoy the remainder of the run!
Reporter: Arlene Irwin
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Stackton Flasher ArrestedNaomi
Mellinger was last night charged with 22 counts of
indecent exposure after an elaborate police operation
caught her flashing at innocent members of the public.
85-year-old Mellinger, whose antics have seen her dubbed
the Stackton Tressel flasher, has stopped almost two
dozen men over a period of 10 days mostly in her local
park.
The stripping spree was only foiled when she stopped
Dave Roberts, a jogger who also happened to be an
off-duty policeman. "I couldn't believe what I was
seeing," said Roberts, who has also been a resident of
Stackton Tressel for more than 20 years. "I've seen a
lot of things during my time with the force, but this
really was something else. I just don't know what came
over her.
"It was windy," said Mellinger. "How can I help it if
the wind catches hold of my blouse and blows it up?
A close friend of Mellinger, told our reporter last
night "Naomi has never done anything like this before.
She has always been up for a good laugh but I just can't
believe that the Stackton Tressel flasher is her!"
Nevertheless, Mellinger is likely to receive a
substantial fine when she appears in court this morning,
despite this being her first offence. Reporter: Paul
Dunford
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The Rosa Charles Opera Companies latest
production of Gilbert and Sullivan's Ruddigore was a great
triumph.
Dame Hilda Bracket's portrayal of Mad
Margaret was madness personified.
Due to the indisposition of Tewksbury
Ptolman, the role of Sir Despard Murgatroyd was taken over at
very short notice by Dr. Evadne Hinge, who was coming to grips with her first mans part in several years.
The duet between Bracket and Hinge (I Once
Was A Very Abandoned Person) in Act Two was played to arousing
applause.
The last time that I saw Hinge perform with
such charisma and excitement was when she got her hands on The
Gondoliers in 1962.
In fact, so convincing was Hinge's
performance as Sir Despard that several audience members
believed that the role was actually being played by a man!!!
Reporter: Paul Bishop
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STEP INTO SPRING AT ARLERS!
Ladies - Sensational seasonal surprises
at Arlers Spring sale this week.
Get the 'New Look' for 2008. We
now stock outfits for every shape and size with exciting
millinery to match! During a recent interview for the staff
magazine, Stackton's diva Dame Hilda Bracket told the store
manager, "I can honestly say you have given me every
satisfaction. Keep it up!"
Mr Arler was unavailable for comment.
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LARCENY IN THE LIBRARY
Miss Pullett, the local librarian, has told our roving
reporter that draconian
measures will be introduced and
fines increased unless borrowers return
their books on time.
"It's simply scandalous the way some residents abuse our
service, or use the
'non fiction' extension as a shelter
from the rain. It really must stop or I will have
to report
offenders to the Chief Librarian". When pressed for further
comment
at the counter, all she would say was ' Sshhhh'!
Reporter: Paul Evans
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